How to Talk To Strangers

After a few years of saying hello to people, we thought we'd write down a few thoughts we've had on talking to strangers, whether you're about to hop on the train wearing a "talk to me" sign or not. It's just a list of basic ideas that we've discovered about what works (and doesn't work) when we're saying hello to someone new - particularly in public.

If you have any feedback, let us know.

1. Don't have an agenda - and don't let other people have an agenda either.

2. Find a good location. Plenty of pedestrian traffic. A wide cross-section of people. A bench to sit down on. (Note: areas that are traditionally touristy can be harder. Locals will think you're a tourist and tourists will ask you where the nearest public bathroom is.)

3. If you dress up too much, people will think you're a Mormon. If you look too messy, people will think you're a bum. Try not to wear slogans or logos of any sort.

4. Make eye contact first, then say hello.

5. Prepare for doubt. 99% doubt. If people say, "what's this about?" say, "you tell me!" If people ask, "why?" say, "why not?" People will swear that you're proseletyzing, selling, researching, doing a documentary, or best of all, people will accuse you of loneliness. The silver lining is that most people's doubts of you only reflect their own mindset.

6. You never know who will walk up to you, so don't make assumptions about who you think a given person is.

7. Ask good questions. Especially questions you don't know the answer to.

8. Never take money.

9. Bring others in. Introduce people to each other.

10. Friday nights are different than Monday mornings. If it's a weekend evening, get ready to talk about relationships. If it's a weekday morning, good luck talking before noon, unless you're at: the breakfast rush at the local diner, the senior citizens center, or the dog walk in the park.

11. Have a good debate without being divisive. Be neutral without being stale. Find life stories underneath opinions. Find out how people arrived at their opinions.

12. Mix it up. If people are chronically serious, be silly. If people are chronically silly, be a little serious.

13. There are three major red flags when it comes to talking to strangers: 1) People who talk at, not talk with. 2) Verbal diarrhea. 3) People who take over the sign and turn it into their own soapbox towards passerbys. This will take extra effort from you to handle. Just trust your internal BS detector, and be assertive.

14. If you are getting bored, take a deep breath at the next conversational pause and redirect the conversation with a new question.

15. Don't be an expert. Just be resourceful. Make connections. Introduce neighbors to each other. If someone's looking for a clarinet teacher, and you just met a clarinet teacher, pass their card on. If someone's looking for a pro-bono immigration lawyer, find a phone book. Ask around.

16. Give ideas, not advice.

17. Most of all, if you have a "talk to me" sign, you should be there to listen, not talk.